EB’s Cheeky Manifesto

 I couldn’t start this Relationship Series without dating.  It is the catalyst to the whole thing.  You couldn’t have relationships, marriage, cheating and breakups without dating.

Dating at times feels like you are purposely slamming your hand in the door… over and over again.  Then asking yourself why you are doing it.  You remember.  It is a stolen glance from across the room.  The flutters you feel in your stomach when they smile at you or laugh at a joke.  It is all leading them to ask for your number. 

For me preparing for the first date is always fun.  I know I act like a little school girl right before sans the giggling.  I’m constantly smiling and have an extra bounce in my step.  I start going through this metal list:  what do I wear, do I need to go shopping, get my hair done, will he kiss me and how intimate he will get.

Then, I get on the date and that all melts away.  If it is a good date, I want it to never end.  If it is a bad date, I’m hoping a friend will call me to say they are dead.  All I can think is please god get me out of here without them trying to kiss me.  Nothing is worse than kissing someone you don’t like. Wait… I take that back.  Kissing someone with fishy lips that is attached to a Wet Vac is much worse.  Horribleness!

I firmly believe the first kiss is a maker or breaker of all relationships.  How many times have you said “They are wonderful?”  Then, you get back from the date and your friends ask how it went.  All you can say is “don’t always believe when someone looks great on paper.”  You really don’t want to explain exactly what a fishy Wet Vac kiss is about.  It only brings back hideous flashbacks which I’m experiencing right now.

Your bad date is done and over with.  Now, your friends are thinking you are a relationship sinkhole.  They come up with wonderful theories such as you pick and/or attract the wrong guy.  Not sure how this came about but I’ve been hearing it a lot lately.  First, my sister said it to me and then I saw it on an old Sex in the City episode.   This subject gets brought up and Carrie says “I don’t pick guys they pick me.”  She gets a reply of  “What are fly paper for the emotionally dysfunctional men?”  Thought that was funny but in the end it aggravated me.  I don’t think I’ve picked anyone.  I was single, I met someone, they weren’t completely horrible, we started dating and then it didn’t work out.  Was I supposed to get some sort of catalogue to pick the right guy?  If so, I got screwed on that deal and now I want my catalogue… damn it!  Now, obviously I get what I deserve if I’m going to the prison and/or metal institution for my dates.  That is one relationship that you will never be able to explain away to your friends.

I think that the theory is a load of crap.  I look at dating as a gravel road.  You reach down and grab a handful of gravel.  Throw it.  Then, see what it sticks to.  That is who you date.  It is really random.  Now, I’m sure you are saying “How does that help my dating life?”  It does because it doesn’t make you the bad person anymore.  Sometimes, you are just with the wrong person.  They pursued you and they knew they would hurt you.  People can be very tricky that isn’t your fault.

The best advice I can give you is get out there.  Go have fun!  Join your community events, get involved with a sport, become active in a church and always make new friends.  See how this idea goes back to the gravel road?  Before you only had one pebble.  You aren’t going to get much action from that.  Now, you have all these groups which equates to lots pebbles.  The more involved you are the more people you will meet which leads to more opportunities for dates.  Plus, everyone likes someone that enjoys there life.  It makes you more attractive. 

I just have a few thoughts left on dating.  Date a lot of people.  I don’t see any problem with dating 5 people at once.  Just don’t lead them on and/or have sex with them.  No one likes a dirty whore.  Plus, with sex you could get attached and/or get something you really don’t want.   It is better to take your time and get to know someone.  You don’t want to fall for someone and then find out they are a crazy depressive alcoholic.  That would suck!  Remember to keep your life but include them in it.  This will create mystery, keep them interested in you and make them miss you.

The next blog in this series is on Relationships.  I’ll go into how to detect a bad relationship.  Lets face it you don’t need my help if you have a good one.  I would love to get some comments on your worst first dates.  Post a comment or you can send a message.  We can keep anything anonymous. 

Till the next time…

(Be on the lookout…. I will be adding a podcast on this subject soon.  Having some troubles getting Libsyn to open my account.  )